I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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