I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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