based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
