i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
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If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
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They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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