my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
