If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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