My liver just broke up with me...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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