pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize