I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just found puke in my bra..
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
this is an emotional support booty call
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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