mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
