This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
