He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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