Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
