you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
