i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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