I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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