Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It was confusing and full of hummus
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
