Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
