i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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