The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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