They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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