broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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