How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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