i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
