life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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