why didn't you poke me back
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
