It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
