i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
