Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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