I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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