Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize