How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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