Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
