Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
4 words: hood of his car
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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