I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
