I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
