That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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