This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
