I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
