Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
