Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
home. puking in laundry basket.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
