I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
