I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
