Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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