2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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