so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Never underestimate the power of titties
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