we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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