About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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