He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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