I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
