I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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