Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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