Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
