Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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