I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize